


Received By Me Only

by missanomalous



Series: So Save Me (I'm Waiting) [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 01:03:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missanomalous/pseuds/missanomalous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina's waiting to feel blissful about this pregnancy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Received By Me Only

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thegirl20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/gifts).



It’s far more unnerving that she’d like to admit. Regina thought feeling it move would be comforting – to _feel_ the baby begin to grow within her, healthy and alert. The fluttering, however, just makes her more queasy. Pregnancy in general has been terrible, as far as the former queen is concerned – nothing about it has gone as smoothly as Ruby’s seemed to have. They hadn’t even been aware the werewolf _was_ pregnant for the longest time, it had been so unnoticeable and Regina had just simply assumed it was the magic in the potion that granted the easy ride; but so far her experiment was proving to be less fruitful. The nausea, the backaches, the hundred billion other symptoms – she downright hates being pregnant. She hasn’t even told Ruby she’s felt anything yet because it makes her feel so unmaternal to resent the being growing inside her.

 

“Do you need anything?” Ruby is standing at the door, pulling on her jacket as she prepares to head out into the cool October morning. Regina glances up from her spot in front of the toilet, vaguely remembering that she would only catch Ruby in such a position during her pregnancy after the shifter had attempted to drink. A true love potion isn't a fan of fetal alcohol syndrome, it would seem.

 

"Just get Effy ready for school," she mutters acerbically, turning away from her longtime partner though she can see her still at the door. Had it been at the beginning of their courtship, Ruby likely would have felt chastised and slunk away with her tail between her legs – metaphorically speaking, that is. Today she only looks at Regina with a blank expression, nodding and pushing off the doorjamb.

 

Regina wants to call her back and apologize – she _does_ but the child inside her seems to have other plans, sending her to once again dry heave into the porcelain bowl in front of her. She hates this, this space between her and Ruby, self-imposed as it is. But there is nothing she can do about it for the next ten minutes given her state, and it leaves her sighing when she eventually hears the door downstairs shut, signalling the exit of the two girls in her life.

 

* * *

 

She's showing already, which she doesn't deem as particularly fair considering Ruby had been flat as a board and just starting to hint at ballooning out at this point in her pregnancy. Regina still has five painful months to go, judging by the first four, and she's already more than noticeably pregnant. However, like Ruby, her wardrobe hadn’t been quite as versatile when it came to her expanding waistline.

 

She glances at Ruby behind the counter, green eyes bright and shining as she talks to Belle who sits across from her with a to-go cup of coffee in her hands, baby-free and devouring Ruby’s time. Not that Regina was planning on doing anything with it when she arrived in wait of their daughter, but she feels slighted at the moment and she’s not sure why, especially when Ruby is working and doesn’t owe Regina her attention anyway. Or when she's been nothing but a nightmare to her as of late.

 

The moment Belle leaves Regina steels herself as she gets ready to resort to grovelling (and heaving herself out of her chair) when a new distraction comes bumbling into the diner; Mary Margaret looking more than exhausted as Adam and Effy, still dressed in their school uniforms, push past her legs and bound towards Ruby. Charlotte sits in the woman’s arms – sits is the wrong word, really, as the child is clearly desperately trying to break free from her mother’s hold.

 

"Who wants to see what Granny's baking?" Ruby asks as she scoops up her daughter, lips pressing to Effy’s forehead as her hand runs through Adam’s hair. Both children fall over themselves to answer as the trio makes their way past the swinging doors and into the kitchen. In turn, Charlotte kicks and squirms until Mary Margaret relents and sets her down so the girl can chase after her brother on awkward, chubby toddler legs.

 

"I imagine you were just as much of a nightmare at that age."

 

"Undoubtedly," Mary Margaret responds as she all but collapses into a chair opposite her once stepmother. "David wants to go for number four. I think he's hoping another blonde pops out."

 

"Tell him hair dye is significantly less work in the long run."

 

The raven-haired woman laughs and rubs her eyes. "On a coffee break?"

 

"I took a sick day when it became clear that I wasn't going to be leaving the bathroom until well past noon. I figured I'd swing by and pick up Effy to save you the trouble of dropping her off." Mary Margaret sighs as she opens her tired blue-green eyes, looking content and pleased despite it all, something that makes her seethe with envy. Of course she had adapted to motherhood as easily as Snow had adapted to a life on the run. Regina tries to think back to the day when these little private visits of theirs became something that happened on a regular basis. "Please tell me that this isn't going to be my life for the next five months."

 

"If you're anything like me, you're screwed, sorry to say. You'll be dying for that mat leave. I can’t believe I managed to stay working past my fifth month mark, honestly." She smiles that oh-so-familiar Snow White smile, catching Regina off guard for a moment as memories of their days spent in the castle hit her – she had so few confidants that Snow, despite being the bane of her existence, had become an on-and-off refuge of companionship depending on the day and the former queen's mood.

 

There never seems to be a right time to talk about it – _really_ talk about it, like they undoubtedly should. Their strenuous relationship had led not only them but everyone they knew and loved to this world, yet it was rarely a topic of conversation. Regina doesn't feel the need to apologize anymore (nor does she expect any in return), but she still wishes she could... explain, let Mary Margaret really know what those dark places her mind went to all those years ago were. To tell her how she knows the mostly misguided resentment was unwarranted and that it almost cost her everything, as it had Snow. But bringing up the past seems as volatile as living through it had proven to be.

 

"Lucky me," is all Regina settles on, the peppermint tea she's drinking doing little to warm her with the air as thick and damp as it is.

 

"You're glowing, Regina," Mary Margaret says warmly, shoulder length hair giving the impression of the young girl with guileless energy that Regina met so long ago.

 

"I think that might just be blood rushing to my head from all this morning sickness." Mary Margaret laughs and Regina smiles slightly in return. "Thank you."

 

"How are things otherwise?"

 

"Oh, you know..." The mayor glances up as Ruby exits the kitchen once more with a look of pure, unfiltered adoration while her doppelgänger Effy talks animatedly in her arms. It was always heartwarming but today it left Regina feeling guilty as the unspoken words between them of the past few weeks grew. "Exhausting."

 

Mary Margaret's expression turns to one of sympathy as she follows Regina's gaze to where her best friend stands, undoubtedly filled in on the strain that their relationship was going through at the moment. Regina's eyebrows shoot up as she feels a hand cover her own.

 

"It's just a rough patch, Regina."

 

Regina nods, lifting the corner of her lips as a placeholder for a smile as her daughter is set down and promptly makes her way over, wrapping her arms around Regina's waist and pressing her nose against her bulging stomach.

 

"Hi."

 

"Are you saying hi to me or the baby?"

 

"Both," comes Effy’s muffled reply.

 

Regina smiles and runs her hand through Effy's straight brown hair, grin dropping slightly as Ruby approaches them, having swapped Effy for Charlotte, bouncing the toddler in her arms. For all her talk of not having a maternal bone in her body all those years ago, the children of their little brood seem to gravitate towards the werewolf and she, in turn, is nothing if not at ease with them.

 

"Granny needs me to stay late tonight, Sarah's son got in an accident and everyone else is over their hours."

 

Regina nods and rises from her spot, holding her hand out for Effy to take after she slips on her jacket. _Ugh_ , she thought as she took in the almost straining button at her waist, _I’m going to have to buy a new jacket soon_. She had never considered herself vain before but she was finding that she absolutely detests the feeling of her clothes tight against her skin for all the wrong reasons. She looks up at Ruby, almost lamenting over the situation in an attempt to get a kind word in reply, but it seems so silly after the days they’ve had lately.

 

“Say bye, Effy,” she murmurs, dropping her gaze and shaking the hand clutching her own.

 

“Okay, love you, bye,” was Effy’s automatic response to the people in the room as she practically drags Regina out, as impatient to have whatever she wants whenever she wants, as Regina once was. And currently is.

 

Since putting on the baby weight, Regina’s all but done everything she possibly can to keep herself in vague shape, as hopeless as it was proving to be. She eats a regular, healthy diet while cutting out any indulgences and she walks everywhere despite how badly her feet ache at the end of each day. It seems to have yet to yield even a vague benefit and she finds herself longing for those apparently wonderful days of pregnant lounging and eating whatever she craves.

 

“Mommy?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“What’s an albatross?”

 

“It’s a bird. Like a seagull.”

 

“ _Oh_.” She wonders when her daughter is going to outgrow holding hands with her and suddenly Regina wishes there was something in one of her old spell tomes to ensure that this never happens. “Mommy?”

 

Regina finds a genuinely amused smile growing on her lips as she glances down at the young girl whose face is pinched in a look of concentration as she sorts out the question in her head. She can see Red at this age, badgering Granny with questions in a forest somewhere, talkative and curious for every answer she craved.

 

“What, dear?”

 

“Is that Uncle Jim?”

 

Regina’s head snaps up as they step onto their street, a sleek red car parked in front of their residence. It is indeed Jim, recognizable by his height and that shock of dark chestnut hair. He spots them at the same time as they do him, setting down the package in his hand to lean down and meet Effy with a hug when she breaks away from Regina.

 

“You’re getting way too big, child,” he announces as he lifts her.

 

Effy lets out a dramatic sigh at the ever-repeated statement, her answer ready on the tip of her tongue as it always is. “I’m the smallest kid in my class.” She squirms out of his arms as he laughs, her attention grabbed by the blonde woman who was stepping out of the house. “Auntie Kathryn!”

 

“There’s my Elizabeth.” She never calls Effy by her moniker. Regina’s never asked why, it just seems like a Kathryn thing to do. Maybe more of an Abigail thing to do when she puts some thought into it.

 

“Mommy didn’t tell me you were coming,” she looks back at Regina as if to confirm this as she walks up after having been greeted by Jim with a kiss on her cheek.

 

“That’s because we wanted to surprise her.” In her kneeled position in front of the young child the blonde reaches over to touch the smooth, iridescent pearl that’s in the shape of a crescent moon hanging from the white gold chain around the child’s neck. Regina almost forgot how long it’s been since Kathryn was last in town, their frequent calls having filled the gap, but she supposes hearing about the transformations is different than seeing some proof of them. “There’s a rumor going around that Uncle Jim brought you presents. I might have put the big one in your room already.”

 

Effy’s halfway up the stairs before Jim catches her, throwing the girl over his shoulder as if she were as light as a pillow, the other package he had been taking in from the car under one arm while his other held the girl firmly against him, continuing up to her room despite her pleas to be put down.

 

“You’re going to spoil her,” Regina accuses as they step into the house, walking into the kitchen to pull a pitcher of iced tea for them.

 

“It’s your own fault for having childless friends; we feel the need to buy the love of the kids around us. Now quit moving and let me look at you.” Regina sighs and allows herself to inspected by the cool blue eyes of the former princess as if she were cattle. “You’re not _that_ big.”

 

“You’re my least favourite friend,” Regina replies with a glare.

 

“I’m your only friend as far as I can tell.” The brunette scoffs at the remark but she can see Kathryn’s lip curl in a smug smirk at the lack of denial. She _isn’t_ her only friend, but she was by far the closest, and easily the only one outside of Ruby who she’s ever really opened up to, even despite the physical distance between them with Kathryn having moved once again, this time further down the Eastern seaboard and settling in Washington with her own small firm. “How have things other than your dress size been?”

 

Regina feels the good-natured humour leave her as her hands curl around the smooth marble countertops of the island. She drops her gaze because it’s always so hard to hold Kathryn’s when it seems as if she and Jim have never have more than a ripple in their pond, let alone the tsunamis she and Ruby have to weather. When had that become the norm?

 

“It’s never been like this,” she mutters, staring down at the black veins sprawling across the smooth surface under her fingers. “Never. Not… not as bad as it is now. Not even… when we were making a decision about Effy. Even if we weren’t speaking, it’s never felt like we couldn’t. There’s never been… distance. And I know I’m creating it but I don’t know what to do.”

 

There’s a beat of silence from her friend, the blonde woman sizing Regina up once more. “What was the point of everything you gave up a decade ago if you’re just going to fall back to square one when things get hard for _you_?” Kathryn, outside of Ruby or possibly Hopper, is the only one she tolerates digging up her past misdeeds, and certainly the only one who gets away with doing it so pointedly. The blonde is a singular oddity in Regina’s life in that the former queen feels her friend truly deserves to be completely blunt with her, as Regina knows she had no leg to stand on when it comes to how she treated Kathryn all those years ago. “There doesn’t always have to be a big disaster to destroy a relationship, Regina. A crack can cause the dam to burst and you’re letting this one grow every day you keep her at arm’s length.”

 

While Kathryn is the only one who is allowed (and/or brazen enough) to call Regina out on her bullshit, that doesn’t mean the raven-haired woman particularly likes to hear the pragmatic advice. She spent years learning to channel all of her anger into something productive and healthy, even longer attempting to move on not only outwardly for the people around her but in her own mind. It wasn’t as simple as her vanity getting in the way, this pregnancy just felt like another short stick failure in her life.

 

“I don’t… I keep waiting to be excited, to feel some sort of connection to it… to love this baby. And there’s nothing, Kathryn.” It makes her feel like a monster, more than any memory of death and destruction brought on by her own hand, even to the people she loved the most. “How am I supposed to tell her that?”

 

Kathryn, to her credit, doesn’t try to wave it off with passing words of how opening up would free her soul like Hopper continues to maintain in their monthly sessions. She understands love and loss, and more importantly, expectations and sacrifices better than most. She wraps her arms around Regina’s expanding abdomen and the mayor sighs and returns the hug in kind, wishing that it wasn’t something she receives only a handful of times a year. Phone calls provided only so much.

 

“It’s not a death sentence on your role as a mother, Regina.”

 

“I was so excited for Effy,” she murmurs against flaxen hair, watching the front door over Kathryn’s shoulder as if she’s waiting for Ruby to walk through it at any moment, smile bright and charming, luring Regina back from the corner she finds herself facing. “I was excited for this one until… until…”

 

She steps away from Kathryn at the sound of Jim making his way back down the stairs, taking a shuddering breath and composing herself. The blonde grabs her wrist and squeezes it before she can get too far. “You are loved. Don’t become that eighteen year-old girl again who forgot that for so long. You’re better than that.” She bypasses Regina to get some glasses out of the cupboards.

 

* * *

 

It’s nice gathering with their large extended faux family, squeezing into Belle and Whale’s dining room because even if it barely holds them all, it’s their best shot for the clan they’ve formed. Henry and Ava are relegated to the children’s table in the living room, the babies are asleep in the nursery upstairs, and Emma, who looks ready to burst and none-too-pleased about it, is given the most comfortable chair next to Jefferson at the end of the table and doesn’t move from the moment she sits down until they leave. Regina helps Granny in the kitchen, apparently being the only person the other woman can stand having assist her. Regina assumes it’s because she doesn’t talk all that much.

 

“Any inkling yet?” Granny asks as she checks the roast again while Regina stands at the counter and continues to dice vegetables for the salad.

 

“None. I don’t think Ruby wants to find out.”

 

“Doesn’t sound like it,” Granny agrees, taking a break for the first time that day and leaning back against the counter. Regina doesn’t know how she does it, really, but Granny doesn’t seem like the type to appreciate the question.

 

“What was she like as a child?”

 

“Loud. Couldn’t sit still. Had to talk to everyone. I think your curse latched onto that a bit – if she didn’t get all that energy out with the wolf, Red probably would have been pretty Ruby-like.” Regina smiles and tosses a handful of tomatoes into the bowl of lettuce, moving onto the cucumbers. “She was smart too. Especially with people – she could read them better than anyone I’ve ever met.”

 

“And yet she still ended up with the Evil Queen.”

 

“I didn’t say she was perfect.” The mayor laughs quietly, glancing up as the aforementioned girl enters the room with Belle hot on her heels, both carrying an excess amount of glasses that they set in the sink. “I’m going to get myself a drink.” The matriarch of their little collective group looks at Ruby and nods towards the stove. “Mash the potatoes.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit down, Regina?” Belle asks as Granny walks past her.

 

“I’m fine, dear, thanks anyway.”

 

The young brunette leaves with a bright smile, heading upstairs to check on the sleeping children upstairs, leaving Ruby and Regina alone, backs to each other as they stood kitty-corner to one another at their designated spots. The sounds of their friends laughter seems especially deafening in their silence. Regina finds herself wondering if Mary Margaret and David ever have icy weeks with each other, but she can’t help but think that they don’t.

 

“You should go rest, you’ve been on your feet all day.”

 

“I’m fine,” Regina replies dismissively but not unkindly, feeling Ruby’s eyes glance back towards her as she mashes the potatoes in the large pot sitting on the stovetop, her movements slowing the slightest bit.

 

“Granny can manage–”

 

“I said I’m fine, Ruby.”

 

More silence follows, outside of the commotion in the other rooms and their own ministrations. She doesn’t know why her instincts have relegated her back to her old defense mechanisms, but she supposes she has the opportunity to blame her raging hormones if she wants to take it. She doesn’t though, sighing as she sets down the knife in her hands.

 

“I feel like you’re not even… I’m trying here, Regina.”

 

“So am I,” she hisses back at the accusation, affronted that Ruby would assume she was at all doing this on some conscious level and not attempting to stop it. Ruby’s still standing with her back facing Regina, and when she looks over her left hand is flexing around the handle of the masher. She should have married Ruby when she brought it up all those years ago, she suddenly feels selfish for not doing so. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Well, neither do–”

 

They both quiet and return to their tasks at the sudden arrival of Adam looking for a drink in the fridge.

 

* * *

 

“I need a drink.”

 

“I’ll have double for you,” Whale replies, stethoscope sliding down Regina’s back briefly before he steps away, scribbling something on a chart before he stands in front of her, holding up a flashlight and shining it in her eyes. “Baby’s good, you’re good, anything else I can do for you?”

 

Regina gives a curt shake of her head as she moves to slide off the examining table, hand sliding down to her lower back as it ached from the effort. “Not unless you have an actual solution for this nausea.”

 

“Nothing over-the-counter has helped at all?” She shakes her head again as she grabs her jacket off the back of the chair, gaze falling on a framed picture of Whale, Belle, and their two girls. Now this was a pairing she hadn’t expected. And she had a child with Red Riding Hood. “We can try something a little stronger then. If it’s getting really bad, tell me,” the blonde man says as he walks over to the small counter where his prescription pad is, “and we’ll check your fluid levels out at the hospital. Don’t want you getting dehydrated.”

 

She nods distractedly, the hand on her tailbone coming up to rub her neck. Regina needs a bath. And a drink. “Anything to speed this annoying process up?”

 

“I think magical cures are more your forte.” He holds out the prescription to her. “I’m surprised Ruby’s not here. Do you still not have an interest in finding out what it is? Seems like pointless anticipation.”

 

“The day I ask for Dr. Frankenstein’s opinion on child rearing…”

 

“Ha ha. I’ll have you know I’ve yet to screw up either one of my kids.”

 

“They’re one,” she says sardonically, lifting her hair out from where its trapped under her collar and smoothing out the front of her dress.

 

“I don’t need your judgements, Regina.”

 

The woman in question laughs despite herself, hating that after years of being the town lech and destroying her hopes and dreams when she was young, Whale has still managed to worm his way under her skin due to Ruby’s odd affinity for her drinking partner. She passes Ashley at the front desk, who smiles brightly in return, blonde hair shining platinum in the bright interior of Whale’s ultra modern practice.

 

Kathryn has gone home already, her weekend up invigorating for Regina but now leaving her feeling as if something is lacking once more – as she always does when Kathryn leaves. She isn’t adept at making friends which seems evident judging by the fact that the only one she really considers herself close to had been the one to initially instigate and then re-instigate the friendship once more after the dust had settled in the town.

 

When she arrives home both her girls are already there, Effy sitting inbetween Ruby’s legs as they go over her homework. Ruby has undoubtedly heard her, especially by the time she arrives at the threshold of the room, but she’s enthralled with their daughter, her left hand wrapped around Effy’s (because, being the true little doppelgänger that she is, she’s even a southpaw too), which is in turn clutching a pencil between her her small fingers. Regina watches for a moment as Ruby explains the ins and outs of a cursive “q”.

 

Eventually Ruby looks up, chin resting on Effy’s head. “How was your checkup?”

 

“Mommy!”

 

She clamours out of Ruby’s hold and all but throws herself at Regina when she reaches her, as she always does. Regina can never wallow in self-pity for long with this kid around. It makes her miss Henry during his younger years, mood swings and all.

 

“Fine,” she murmurs in reply to Ruby’s question, hand sifting through Effy’s hair as she presses her ear against Regina’s abdomen, tapping on her stomach as if it were hoping to motivate fish behind the glass of a tank. “He gave my something for the nausea.”

 

“I was just about to start–”

 

“I have work to catch up on. Thank you,” she adds after a moment, kneeling down to meet Effy’s eyeline. She knows the real reason that she’s physically keeping her distance is her half-assed attempt at making sure Effy doesn’t pick up on the fact that it’s there regardless, even when both her parents are present. Children weren’t blind to their what went on around them, as she knew all too well; growing up watching her father slink into the shadows as her mother’s control over their family grew. “I’ll come down for dessert. Be good for mama.”

 

When she looks back over to Ruby, she’s in the same position as she was before, but she can see her sharp jawline moving back and forth though she keeps her tongue bitten for Effy’s sake.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t keep this up, Regina.”

 

She’d been waiting for those words for weeks but still had yet to think of a response and now she needs one. Regina stares at her own reflection in the foggy mirror, all-too-aware of the younger woman who is standing behind her in the doorway. Usually she can tell by her tone, but tonight Regina’s at a loss when it comes to deciphering if Ruby is angry, hurt, or lost. She imagines her expression is a combination of all three. She doesn’t turn to face her though, nor does she try to fumble over some sort of reply.

 

“Coward.”

 

It’s muttered under her breath, so quietly Regina’s not sure if she heard her correctly, but the sound of retreating footsteps seems to confirm the former queen’s suspicions in her mind. And it _enrages_ her. How dare Ruby? That insolent little girl whose wolf blood seems to make her feel untouchable, brash and volatile when she has no right to be. Regina can’t keep herself calm then, whipping around to stomp into their bedroom, gaze hard as she watches Ruby step out of her dress, stubbornly facing away from Regina in another act of defiance that has her bristling at the younger woman’s nerve. When she does turn it’s not until just before Regina meets her, the one-eighty she pulls throwing Regina slightly off-kilter as she grabs her face and viciously kisses her.

 

Being an all-powerful witch sometimes leaves her underestimating other people, even Ruby with her strength and speed, which have her thrown back against the wall the moment after Regina gets the upperhand after slamming her into the wardrobe. There’s so much anger behind their movements, frustration and guilt seeping in from both of them. When her teeth bear down on Ruby’s full lower lip, she responds in kind by digging her nails into Regina’s biceps, all the while careful not to press to roughly against her abdomen.

 

Ruby’s left hand drops to the end of Regina’s slip to scrape up her thigh, yanking her underwear down her hips the slightest bit, and Regina almost stops her – almost throws the protests of their previous, significantly less tense encounters of months past of how she didn’t enjoy being touched when so over-sensitive and feeling so off-center, but Ruby doesn’t give her the chance and Regina isn’t sure she has a foot to stand on in regards to letting the taller woman blow off the steam she’s been adding to the last few weeks.

 

Her lips rip away from Ruby’s as her head falls back against the wall at the first less-than-delicate swipe of fingers against the wetness between her legs, but Ruby doesn’t allow this type of insolence for long, seeking out Regina’s lips once more to either deny her of a feasible amount of air or to stifle the pained moans that slip in amongst her fevered breathing. The nails still digging into her arm find a new spot to claim their hold, dropping down to wrap around her thigh and jerk Regina’s leg up around hip while Ruby’s kiss lost the tiniest bit of momentum, slowing from rushed and desperate to bruising and deliberate while her fingers become rapidly coated at the apex of Regina’s thighs.

 

It’s dizzying and altogether too much; Regina allows her mouth to be assaulted when it becomes clear that getting a proper breath is a pipe dream, hips convulsing against the Ruby’s hand when the heel of her palm grinds down particularly hard against the bundle of nerves that has Regina’s mind blanking at every passing touch, feeling the sting with every shock of pleasure. And she _loves_ it. Loves the bite that comes with this bark, loves that Ruby undoubtedly knows she how refreshing it is to be dipping back into her volatile mindset in all the right ways for once when she’s spent the last few weeks simply using it to revert back to her previous defense mechanisms. _Clever girl_ , she thinks, or thinks she thinks because her own gasps are drowning out her thoughts when she finally finds it within herself to push Ruby’s face away from her own when a severe lack of oxygen begins to threaten to cut their reunion short and likely end her up in the hospital.

 

It only takes the hint of Ruby’s wonderfully long fingers brushing against her entrance to send her into a shuddering, surprising climax, eyes clenching shut so tightly that she sees stars on the back of her eyelids, gasps sounding almost disbelieving as her hormones leave her feeling dizzy. Ruby’s hands are around her waist before Regina realizes she’s leaning into her, head dropping to the werewolf’s shoulder while she takes in frenzied gulps of air, gasping against the brunette’s neck and allowing herself to relax against her for the first time in a month.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“So am I,” Ruby murmurs in return as her hands fall to the swell of Regina’s hips. “After how shitty my pregnancy was, I don’t really have a leg to stand on. But you can’t... Regina, you’ve always known me better than I’ve known myself, our whole thing was built on us being open and–”

 

“I know,” Regina insists as she begins to lean back to see Ruby’s face, feeling herself come in contact with the wall and sighing at the feeling of the cool dry wall against the generous amount of exposed skin her nightgown allows. Being overly sentimental has never particularly their thing (the ongoing joke between them being the over indulgence of the Charming family motto about always finding one another, typically used when splitting up to finish collecting the remaining items on their grocery lists or something equally as mundane), but she knows she needs to say something at the very least. “I’ve just been feeling so…”

 

“Exhausted? Anxious? Afraid? Because none of those are new symptoms of pregnancy and they’re certainly not worthy of icing me out.”

 

“I don’t feel anything,” she whispers, feeling depraved and reprehensible all at once at the confession and Ruby’s undoubtedly purposefully blank expression. “Not happy or excited or… anything. It’s terrifying, Ruby, to feel like I don’t care.”

 

Regina sighs once more as she feels Ruby’s clean hand come up to brush back her bangs and trail down her jaw. “That’s nothing new either, you know. I didn’t feel anything at all about Effy when we first found out.”

 

“You intentionally did that. It’s not the same thing at all.”

 

“So?” Ruby asks as she begins to walk backwards until she comes in contact with the mattress, sitting back on the bed and holding Regina’s wrists in her hands as she looks up at her with that bright, comforting look of hers. “Regina, if you recall, I almost got rid of our daughter. And women’s right to choose and blah, blah, blah, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons and despite the fact that I knew it would have devastated you. But you were there for me and now you’re pushing me away when this is one of the _only_ things I can even help you with during all of this.”

 

“I want to be excited,” Regina mutters almost petulantly, though she finds herself sliding up to straddle Ruby’s lap, forehead dropping to meet hers.

 

“You will be,” the hazel-eyed girl promises in return, brushing her hand across Regina’s stomach reverently. “When you meet him. And you’ll love him every bit as much as you do Effy and Henry.”

 

“Are you guessing or did Whale tell you?” Regina asks as she opens her eyes at the gender specific pronoun.

 

“I decided I didn’t want to wait.” She kisses Regina sweetly, gradually pulling them both down to the mattress, one hand smoothing over the mayor’s back and the other holding her jaw in place.

 

Regina languishes in the feeling of intimacy again, stretching out overtop Ruby and paying little mind to her bulging stomach pressing against the waitress’s toned, flat one below. “If you ever call me a coward again,” Regina utters, lips brushing along the shell of Ruby’s ear, “you’re becoming an outside dog.” She laughs as Ruby bristles and rolls her over, intent on getting revenge for the remark, and feels completely at ease for the first time since she started to show as they share a smile they’ve denied one another for weeks.


End file.
